April 2009
181 posts
“They were so beautiful. They looked like they were airbrushed when they were...”
– A grocery store manager in Oyster Bay, Long Island, NY, discussing his response to seeing Brangelina, who is (are?) currently living there for some reason. I think this quote is supposed to be serious, but I just find it funny.
How I Became a Writer: Cristina Henriquez →
A short, wonderful retelling of how Cristina Henriquez got her start in writing. Simply put, it was because of a boy. The object of her affection in junior high gave her a blank journal, telling her to write down everything she wanted to say to him that year.
“For the first few weeks, I was writing to him, spilling my feelings upon the page with relish. But it didn’t take long before I...
“I realize that I will never fully understand the millions of bizarre ways that...”
– Rob Sheffield, Love is a Mix Tape
Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella! (Album... →
For the record, I drove to two different stores today in attempts to buy Ben Folds’ newest album, which I’ve been very excited about. But nay, my efforts were for naught. Superstores, my ass. What’s super about not carrying the one GD album that I’m actually looking forward to purchasing in non mp3 format?
In other news, you can listen to the whole album online!! I would...
Giant URL →
The evil (and way better) twin of TinyURL. For example, http://thepoptimist.com becomes a URL of 794 characters. That’s right…. 794 characters. Why? Well, I think a far better question would be, why not?
Terms of Use from the Giant URL site: “GiantURL was created as a free service to make posting short URLs harder. Using it for spamming purposes is encouraged and any such use...
Twitter, minus all the crap you don't care about... →
Meet Favrd, the greatest new Twitter site you’ve never heard of. According to the site, “FAVRD lists interesting things that show up on Twitter, based on the number of times an item has been declared a ‘favorite’.”
The tweets on there are very funny, I’ve really enjoyed reading through them. Lots of them are oddly quirky. Here’s a fave:
“Democrats urge torture...
Strong Wind Dislodges Chihuahua →
In this edition of “I’m not going to the trouble of coming up with any jokes because this story in and of itself is high-larious,” a strong wind blew a dog away! (Just like this story blew me away? Ehhhhhh.) I submit this story with no further comment:
“Tinker Bell has been reunited with her owners after a 70-mph gust of wind picked up the six-poundChihuahua and tossed her...
When "Goodnight Moon" just doesn't quite cut it. →
A hilarious list of imagined children’s book titles, addressing some hard-hitting issues that aren’t typically covered in children’s literature. Let’s face it, during pre-bedtime reading sessions, the only things children learn about are how much they’re loved and how hungry that f%#&!* caterpillar is. But what about the topics kids really need to learn about -...
“Our lives were just beginning, our favorite moment was right now, our favorite...”
– Rob Sheffield, Love is a Mix Tape (I probably post about this book too much, but it’s wonderful. And it slays me. Please let me loan it to you.)
Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella! →
A decently positive review of Ben Folds’ newest CD: Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella! which is being released today. I for one am very, very excited. The perfect storm of many I thing I love lots.
“The disc is little more than a footnote in Folds’ aggressively eclectic career, but it’s a surprisingly vital, intriguing one.”
I don’t know that I agree with this-...
Marathon Runners Tweet Their Way to the Finish... →
From Wired: ”CNN news producer Peter Wilkinson and Latitude Group CEO Alex Hoye stood out among 35,000 runners at Sunday’s London Marathon — in the digital world, at least, where they tweeted their progress with their cellphones.
“My biggest fear was it would be boring — mile 1: running; mile 2: still running,” Hoye said. “But I gave it a try and people were talking about it on mile 9,...
A Performance Review From My Boss, The Inebriate →
A great piece published in McSweeney’s by a few friends:
“James, you have consistently exhibited the kind of collaborative spirit that has helped this firm maintain its competitive advantage in an increasingly combative market. Last November, you came to pick me and the Four Horsemen of Finance up at Dirty Phil’s at 3 in the morning. Though I don’t recall this event or the...
10 Winning Websites with Which to Waste Time at... →
Because it’s Monday morning, folks. There’s one called the “Baby Maker” and you upload a picture of yourself and someone else, and the Baby Maker shows you what your child would look like. A great time wasting website with the perfect amount of creepy.
The insult generator was good too. Here’s my insult: “Zombie Taming Toilet Inhaler.” Lovely.
Pigs + Blankets = Culinary Delights →
Thank Vishnu people are finally starting to give Pigs in a Blanket(s) (what the plural of this?) the respect and attention they deserve.
I post this mostly for the benefit of the group of people who watch LOST at my apartment every Wednesday night. I speak on behalf of all of us when I say that PIABs (let’s go with the acronym here, folks) should get the place they deserve on the Food...
“Why run a radio show in a live theater- it doesn’t make any sense....”
– Stephen Colbert, in interviewing Ira Glass about the April 23rd debut of a live show broadcast nationally to 400 movie theaters
World Beer Pong Tournament, World's Biggest... →
For you those of you that live in the Big Potato, the World Beer Pong Tournament is this weekend!! So gel up your hair, pop that collar, chug that Muscle Milk and remember never to overextend the elbow. It’s just a rookie mistake.
And if anyone utters the words “Oh brah, I’m so schwasted!” I reserve the right to teleport to Manhattan and punch you in the soul. Or wherever....
Film Review: Fighting →
For you ladies (and dudes- no judgment here.), here’s a film review for the upcoming film, Fighting, starring Channing Tatum. I think the consensus so far is that the womenfolk don’t really care what the movie is about.
This just in: the plot has something to do with Channing’s muscles. AND I’M IN. Oscar buzz anyone??
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“People often ask me how Lost is going to end.
I usually tell them to ask Damon...”
– JJ Abrams
Talk like Shakespeare Day! →
Some helpful hints to help you address others with the same snootiness as Shakespeare himself would:
3. Men are Sirrah, ladies are Mistress, and your friends are all called Cousin.
6. Verse for lovers, prose for ruffians, songs for clowns.
7. When in doubt, add the letters ‘eth’ to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).
10. When wooing lads: try dressing up like a...
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“I would rather be tied up to stakes in the Kalahari Desert, have honey poured...”
– Maureen Dowd in an interview with Twitter founders Biz Stoneand Evan Williams (here)
For anyone who has ever received "Oh the Places... →
Some interesting facts about Dr. Suess:
-If I Ran the Zoo, published in 1950, is the first recorded instance of the word “nerd.”
-Bennett Cerf, Dr. Seuss’ editor, bet him that he couldn’t write a book using 50 words or less… Not one to back down from a challenge, Mr. Geisel started writing and came up with Green Eggs and Ham – which uses exactly 50 words.
-Yertle the Turtle = Hitler? Yep.
Pulitzer Time! →
Sometimes I feel like The Poptimist is not quite depressing enough, and since it’s raining today, I’m going to bring the mood down. Way down. Here’s an article about a guy who was laid off from his job at a Phoenix-area newspaper last year, and he won an emmer-effing PULITZER yesterday for a story he wrote while he was there. If a dagnab Pulitzer winner doesn’t have any...
Were you on Twitter before Oprah? →
I love this. A simple little site called HereBeforeOprah.com lets you type in a Twitter user name (yours or anothers), and they’ll tell you if that user was on Twitter before Oprah was!
And then, of course, there’s a link so that you can tweet about it. (I mean, why would you not? When it comes to being on Twitter first, Oprah is my BIOTCH.)
20 things you didn't know about Bob Dylan →
2. He is said to be “the jester” in Don McLean’s song “American Pie”.
7. His songs have been covered by about 2,000 artists.
9. He has recorded under several pseudonyms including, Bob Landy, Blind Boy Grunt, Robert Milkwood Thomas, Roosevelt Gook and Elston Gunn.
12. He was secretly married for six years to his backing singer Carol Dennis. They had a daughter...
“Nation- we live in a big, beautiful world- I’ll grant you that. But...”
– Stephen Colbert, on The Colbert Report
WatchA cute time lapse video that shows how babies are actually made. I feel so very, very lied to. Safe for work! (Via)
Were you smiling in your yearbook picture? →
Then, you should get married!
Researchers looked at people’s college yearbook photos, rating their smile intensity from 1 to 10. None of the people who fell within the top 10 percent of smile strength had divorced, while within the bottom 10 percent of smilers, almost one in four had had a marriage that ended, the researchers say.
In a second trial, researchers asked people over age 65 to...
“There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what...”
– W. Somerset Maugham (via)
Free Cone Day at Ben & Jerry's!! →
Oh man oh man oh man. I’m irrationally excited. Just the very idea that this exists. I’m like a fat kid around cake…. naaaaah that analogy is too close to the matter at hand. I need Ben & Jerry’s like the flower needs the sun? Tag out, the analogy train has officially left the station.
Well today, April 21st is Free Cone Day at Ben & Jerry’s. So take your...
5 Career-Ending "Reply-All" errors →
Now that I’m a part of the nameless, faceless, cold, hard corporate world, I live more or less in constant fear of emailing the whole company something like “Damn! I’m so bored I could die, but you can only read so many Onion articles before you just zone out and start napping!” I think my CEO would be less than amused.
College Humor asked folks to send in screen shots of...
“I think this is an issue of integrity regardless of which end of the political...”
– Miss Arizona, Alicia-Monique Blanco, at last night’s Miss USA pageant. For the record, this quote is a response to the question, “Do you think the U.S. should have universal healthcare as a right of citizenship?” So, yeah. I don’t think this requires any further commentary.